Monday, June 9, 2014

What nobody tells you about losing 100 lbs.

One of my favorite reads is Refinery29. Your typical fashion/lifestyle/entertainment/beauty website that I'm sure everyone and their momma is familiar with.  Admittedly when I think of Refinery29 altruism doesn't come to mind.

But on this particular day I fell upon this amazing article.

"A casual stroll through Twitter (or the comments sections of most websites) will show you that the internet can be a profoundly depressing place, full of soul-crushing negativity and even full-blown hate. Of course, there are pockets of light in the darkness — pinpricks of inspiration that remind us the world is not all cynical and sad." (Go here to keep reading the rest of the article)



Now what's interesting about this photo is that the Left side is the "BEFORE" and the right side is the "AFTER".  Society obviously views the "BEFORE" as the body we should aspire to and yet what stunned me wasn't how it looked like a mixed up "BEFORE & "AFTER" picture but how at peace, how content and how comfortable she looked in her own skin in the "AFTER" picture.

And I wondered... when will I feel that way?


CHILLS.  

Literal chills after I watched that video.

People are like "ommmmgosh you lost so much weight life must be SOO great now!"

What they don't tell you or talk about is how your body doesn't actually "go back" the way it's "suppose" to. Or that it doesn't really look like someone that has been fairly consistent with their weight their entire life.

Stretch Marks 

I have A LOT of stretch marks more than some of my girlfriends that have 2 or 3 kids.  In fact when people don't believe that I've lost 100 pounds I pull up my shirt and show them my stretch marks and watch there mouths slowly fall wide open into a "O" shape.  I've never worn a bikini before and I'll probably never wear one in my lifetime.  I was 180lbs. by the time I was a junior in high school and now that I'm what people consider a "normal" weight  I would love to be confident enough to put a bikini on but I don't think I'll ever get there. There's just sooo so many stretch marks all over the front of my stomach, the sides of my stomach, and my back.  I have visible stretch marks on the inside of my arms, inner thighs, going down the back of my legs and behind me knees.

Saggy Skin 

That crop top trend all the fashion bloggers are doing these days.  Yeah that's not going to happen.  No matter how much weight I lose my stomach will always sag and hang over whatever I wear. I think that's why even though I'm significant thinner now I still live in leggings because honestly having to button/zip up pants over sagging skin is REALLY uncomfortable. Think muffin top x 10000.  And unlike people that have just gained a couple of pounds and that's why they have muffin top I can't just WEAR larger pants because my waist is now much smaller then all the saggy skin around my lower abdomen. On days when I decide to wear a dress (because admittedly it's easier ie. less constricting around my mid section) my stomach will ALWAYS look bloated and it's not because I'm retaining water it's because I have so much excess "hanging" skin there now.

Cellulite

There's a lot of it specifically the back of my upper thighs.  When I was 200 pounds I would wear head to toe black long sleeves and pants because I was so ashamed of how I looked in Hawaii (btw NOBODY dresses like that in Hawaii.)   And I would actually FANTASIZE about the day where I could put on a pair of cute short shorts or a mini skirt and feel confident and comfortable with myself. I'm embarrassed to admit this but I've actually tried on shorts/skirts and had the Hubs take pictures of me from behind just so I could see how much Cellulite is there.  It's demoralizing.. and truthfully it's not that pretty but I worked damn hard to get here so I'm going to wear those shorts/mini (ok maybe not so mini probably more like mid thigh haha) skirts this summer that I dreamed about when I was 100 pounds heavier.  

Perfectionism 

Truthfully I kept waiting for a day that I would be "perfect" I kept thinking well if I just lost another 50 pounds I'd be perfect.  Well 50 pounds turned into another 20 pounds.. then another 10 pounds.. then 5.. even 2.  I became obsessed with the numbers on my scale (to the point that The Hubs actually started to HIDE the scale in our apartment).  I finally realized that no I'll never be a size 0 or even a 2.. I mean I'm barely scratching a 4 as is lol.  And that's ok.  I'm curvy and I (sort of) accept that now. Growing up I hated the word "curvy" because "curvy" for a Taiwanese girl with Taiwanese parents/relatives/extended relatives who you only saw once every 2 years (yet still had no problems sharing with you exactly what they thought about how you looked) meant that you were "fat".  But I'm a little older now and well my husband loves my curves and because of that I'm slowly learning to love them as well.

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22 comments:

  1. This is an inspiration! :) Great post thanks for sharing :)

    x

    www.jewelclicks.com

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  2. You're such an inspiration to many people out there!! I seriously think many people should read this article, especially when we have so many cases of eating disorders in this country!! <3 <3 Thank you babe for such an article! :)

    http://anshul90.com

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  3. Aww Lisa, I really applaud and commend you for being so open, honest, and vulnerable about your whole journey. I don't know how those extreme weight loss show contestants do it too, but I do know the saggy skin and stretch mark things are common for rapid weight loss. I'm sure there are a million Asian products claiming to help those things too. :P
    And, girl, I feel ya on the the Asian relatives (and people not even related to you) commenting. I've been called "ro ro" (meat-y?) much of my life by people who barely met me. Thanks for being so inspiring sweetie!

    xx Viv

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  4. So true! No matter what size I was, I've fluctuated from size 8 (AUS) to size 12-14 and even when I was at my skinniest, I always had a belly pooch. I was under the delusion that the skinnier I got, the less it would show up but it was constantly there! I think you look beautiful now anyway darling, pooch or not! We can be pooch sisters! ;)
    Eat. Live. Love. Repeat.

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  5. Lisa my dear, you look freaking awesome. Ok so we don't see all the after effects and yes it is something that people don't mention. You should be proud of how you look dear!
    I got stretch marks for the first time recently after giving birth. Yep, they are gross. I noticed them on my husband because he lost a lot of weight too. I did apply oil on my stomach all throughout pregnancy and that may have helped a little.
    Cellulite and stretch marks suck, but hey we women know what outfits work for us and make us feel great without calling attention to areas we don't want to highlight right? You look great in your outfits! I know how crass relatives can be, but take it from us - Asians are too obsessed with being stick thin, but if you look good, you look good!

    xoxo,
    little luxury list formerly Chic 'n Cheap Living

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  6. Hi Lisa, this was wonderfully honest and real, I am so glad you spoke about it, there were so many after effects I didn't even realise.Thanks for stopping by, its always great reading your opinion!

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  7. I love your honestly. It is so refreshing and I think you are inspiration!! I know just want you mean. Losing the weight (which is so amazing) doesn't change how we feel inside. You look ah-amazing and you should be so proud of yourself. You were beautiful before and you are beautiful now.

    Best, Mree

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  8. Hi Lisa,
    thank you for being honest about this. Nobody actually talks about these things. It definitely opened my eyes as I do think to way you thought since I'm currently losing weight. I think there is so so much pressure on us women to be beautiful ( or sometimes perfect) that we forget that we look fine as we are. I think we need to learn to be satisfied with the way we look and not compare ourselves with the perfect photoshopped models!!
    xoxo
    Suzanne

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  9. Totally loved this post, you've really touched and opened up the subject with the most honest approach. For those who have gained a lot and then loss weight, there will almost be some kind of scars. I was so disturbed being a teenager, barely 16 and I realized I had so many red long stretch marks from growing and weight gain that even some pregnant women didn't seem to have! Life is unfair like that but I am happier and healthier slimmer. I'm so glad to hear how much your hubs has cared and looked out for you through the process because you really look great now!

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  10. Wow--- this is a side of extreme weight loss I just didn't consider! I al so impressed with your openness in the subject, I am sure it can feel very vulnerable. Just know-- the work you have done is inspirational, and the things you've described? Badges of honor.

    ~Alexis Grace of North On Harper

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  11. awwww thanks for throwing light on this topic.. i am with u... i hv a huge tummy with stretch marks and if reduce more it will get worse bt really i dnt care i will loose the weight and be happy with what I have as life is short to stress over something u may not be able to achieve with perfection.. u look fab for now .. so keep smiling xx
    http://natashabhatt.blogspot.in/

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  12. I loved this post Lisa, so thank you for being so honest and sharing something so personal. I think we are so hard on ourselves! It's really a shame. I think curvy is beautiful, but I always feel pressure to lose weight. It gets really hard mentally. Plus as bloggers, we want to look good in front of the camera. So It's a daily struggle to accept what you look like. I hope we can all reach a point where we are truly happy!

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  13. this is so great and inspiring post! I admire your honesty and how open you are. I have stretch marks too and even though im considered skinny i do have excess skin where it wont be dissapear no matter how much weigh i lost. I seriously think you look beautiful the way you are now and keep inspiring people! :)

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  14. This is an inspiration post, Lisa, thanks for sharing.
    xoxo
    Christy

    http://www.am2pmchic.com/

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  15. its' a great post!
    www.mrsnoone.it
    kiss

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  16. Lisa, I love this post! I'm also really proud of you. You're truly an inspiration! I know exactly what you mean about those saggy skin because my sister-in-law showed me her saggy skin when she lost her pregnancy weight. I want to lose about 20 pounds too but I'm not making any effort. I guess I'm not serious enough. My friend joked to me the other day that I need to hit "rock bottom" in order to lose weight and I think he may be right. Lol. How would you motivate someone like me? Anyway, you look beautiful! Have a great week!

    xo Jo

    http://www.whiterosesandcoffee.com

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  17. Lisa, You are are very strong woman. This post list so many things people don't really talk about. At one point in my life I lost a lot of weight too but I still wasn't happy with my body and slowly the weight came back when I stopped dieting. But ever since you posted about incorporating broccoli into your life, I started to eat healthier too. Thanks for your inspiration!

    <3 Tiffany

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  18. Lisa, I loved reading this post! It's so honest, and it can be really hard to put words like this out on the internet! Good for you for making so much progress in your weight loss journey - you're really inspiring! :)

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  19. Thanks for such a interesting, inspiring post on the "other side" again. I'm really happy to hear you're starting to fall in love with your body now! I think it's so sweet and significant your hubs loves you for who you are, honestly I know we shouldn't "depend on on the approval" of others but when you have someone that you love and admire tell you you're beautiful well dang, you start believing it too! (because it was true all along) =D

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  20. Hi Lisa!!! Although I have disappeared from my own blog (I'll be back, I'm just short on time these days...I'll explain later) I have not disappeared from your blog. In fact, your blog has kept me company for days, months and years...how time flies. I think you are so courageous to share what other women rarely do. I am inspired by you and your strength. Many women lie to themselves and the world by pretending perfection when they loose weight. Rarely do they talk about the effects of weight loss, both physically and mentally. We all fall victim to our own demons; it's refreshing to see someone display theirs...perhaps that's the first step to destroying them? Never loose sight of your amazing accomplishment, you should be so proud!

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  21. Lisa, I've been reading your weight loss journey over the past few months and I'm so proud of you for telling your story. Your success story is so inspiring and it's one that needs to be read and heard by all women. I love your attitude towards body image and weight loss. It's a positive mindset of being healthy that we can all adopt. xo

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